Secrets left unsaid

Broke down into tears…

Lately since I have gotten to Utah, things have been so different since my last visit here. Last time I felt such an overwhelming peace as soon as I crossed the boarder into Utah, breaking down into tears because the spirit was so strong. Since I have been here it just seems like its been so empty. I miss my family so much. I got sick and am having the worst hip flexor problems so now I have to, yet again, take time off of my training. My prayers have been filled with such limited patience. Every run feels so painful and I have immediately gotten mad asking my heavenly father what the heck he wants me to do. This was not my choice to run again, and that I am only doing it because he wants me to.

I went over to my brother’s to pick up a few books to read while I was not in school yet. He handed me a few, but the one that stuck out the most was “The infinite Atonement”, by Tad R. Callister. I have yet been able to put it down—writing notes and highlighting key points almost on every page. It has been such an incredible reminder of what truly is important here, during this mortal journey. Then my dad sent me a little email about a few days ago and since I finally got my laptop charger—i’ve been able to go online and watch it.

I can’t begin to express the tears that flooded my eyes, and such gratitude to my Savior and Heavenly parents for all that they have given me. I have quite a lot of repenting to do today. Even though I can’t train right now, I am very thankful for even being able to still walk, to have a healthy heart, a supportive family, loving Heavenly parents and an older brother, Savior, Redeemer who gave up his life, just for me. I know they don’t force these trials in my life, but rather just let them happen, and I, as an individual, have the power—the agency, to choose what kind of mood I want to have about the situations I am put through. It has only strengthened me not only physically but spiritually.